This month, we lost one of the world’s greatest teachers of peace and non-violence, the Vietnamese Buddhist monk, author and activist, Thich Nhat Hanh. He came onto our Western radar during the Vietnam War, when he traveled here to make the case for peace. During his trip he met Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., who later nominated Hanh for the Nobel Peace Prize. As a result of this peace-making mission, both North and South Vietnam denied him reentry to Vietnam, thus beginning a long 39-year exile.

His suffering became grist for the mindful mill. He never let up on his optimism and hope. His encouraging words often included this story:
“When the crowded Vietnamese refugee boats met with storms or pirates, if everyone panicked all would be lost. But if even one person on the boat stayed calm and centered it was enough. It shows a way for everyone to survive.”

For many of his students and readers, Thich Nhat Hanh became that steady and wise one, showing us the way to stay peaceful amidst the turmoil of life, encouraging us not to give in to hatred, but to continually pursue peace.

I think that his peace-making advice is more relevant today than ever, amidst our ever-growing divides between “us” and “them”, rich and poor, black and white, legal and illegal, Democrat and Republican, vaxxers and anti-vaxxers, etc.

Hanh advocated the importance of perspective-taking in the peace-making process. In his second book, Being Peace, he wrote:

People completely identify with one side, one ideology. Reconciliation is to understand both sides, to go to one side and describe the suffering being endured by the other side, and then go to the other side and describe the suffering being endured by the first side. Doing only that will be a great help for peace. (p.70)

I saw Hanh only once in NYC, but know his teaching through his books. A few of my favorite lines continue to resonate in me:

“Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the world earth revolves – slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future.”

“What we most need to do is to hear within us the sounds of the earth crying.”

“Peace in every step. Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.”

“People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth.”

“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”

Thank you, Tay, for your teachings. May your wisdom continue to work its peace-making magic on us all.

What is it that makes 2022 sound impossibly futuristic? Could it be the timeless fog of pandemic fatigue or our Omicron-induced fear that 2022 won’t be any different than 2021? Whatever the reason, I’m finding it hard to drum up much excitement for the New Year. You may be feeling the same. So…

As you start to review your year and set intentions for what’s next, I encourage you to moderate your expectations. We all recognize how hard it is to evoke change even in the best of times. Trying to enhance our self-care when we are stuck in a perpetual pandemic survival mode can be particularly daunting, and thus lead us to fail. My advice is to keep it simple.

Duhigg’s “The Power of Habit,” suggests starting with a keystone habit, one small change that has the potential to cascade into more substantial subsequent changes. For example, one of the most popular New Year’s Resolutions every year is to eat healthier. Conventional wisdom used to be that to lose weight you really had to shake up your whole life: changing what and when you ate, exercising daily, and attending support groups or counseling. Of course, given the resiliency of habits, it’s a Herculean feat to make such a huge overhaul all at once, thus most fail in the attempt.

However, taking a baby step in the right direction can initiate a cascade of more significant changes. For example, in one study participants were asked to write down what they ate just one day each week. No prescribed diets, no impossible exercise regimens, no calorie counting. However, over the course of the study, the researchers discovered that many of the participants started keeping a daily food log all on their own, not just the once-a-week log required for the study. In turn, their food logging established a positive baseline from which other salubrious habits emerged, like planning meals, buying healthier foods and reducing snacking. In the end, simply by committing to something small, their eating habits organically shifted to produce a more robust, long-lasting effect.

So, in the vein of starting small, I want to offer a keystone habit to launch your 2022. I invite you to take one intentional breath every day. What does that mean? Simply that you are consciously aware of one breath coming in and one breath going out…everyday…anytime that day. I suggest starting your day with a conscious breath when you first wake up. Then, if you forget it in the morning, you can do it later. Put a reminder near your bed, like a post-it note on your night table. If you haven’t taken your conscious breath by your bedtime check-in, it’s still not too late.

Research shows that consistency is critical in establishing new patterns of thought and behavior. By establishing a low bar, just one intentional breath every day, you are more likely to accomplish your goal. This accomplishment creates a feeling of success, which can fertilize your keystone habit to grow into other positive changes, like meditating daily for five minutes, eating more mindfully, being patient with your loved-ones, or establishing an appreciation practice. 

The poet John Dryden wrote, “We first make our habits, then our habits make us.” By moderating your expectations, you can build on small wins to flip the switch in your brain from “I can’t” to “I can.” This attitudinal shift may be exactly what you need to face this ongoing pandemic with more optimism and hope.

Good luck, and keep breathing.

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, many people are feeling anxious about family gatherings. This year, it’s not just dealing with Uncle Joe’s casual racism, encountering siblings with whom grudges linger, or worrying about serving a dry turkey. We’re at a place in the pandemic where we are gathering more, but COVID and the fear of COVID are still very much alive and well. In fact, a recent survey found that 75% of families plan to not have extended family over for the holidays. Our anxiety is especially peaked when dealing with unvaccinated relatives.

One remarkable antidote to anxiety is compassion. It’s hard for your brain to be anxious and kind simultaneously, so by purposefully directing your thoughts and feelings towards kindness, you short-circuit the fear brain’s dialogue and thus feel less anxious.

Here’s a simple breath-based practice to spark compassion. 

Start by noticing your breath as it flows in and out. Try to feel the sensations of the breath as it passes through your nostrils. 

Next, focus on the feeling of the in-breath. Allow each in-breath to be for you. The breath delivers oxygen to your cells, which is essential for their function. So, you are being physically nourished. But also add a feeling of emotional nurturance. Think about a quality that would support you in this moment: strength, health, sanity, calm, whatever calls to you. And, with each breath in, add a little mantra, “May I feel calm” or “May I feel more grounded.” Continue for a least a minute, but longer if you are feeling especially anxious.

Then, switch your attention to notice your exhales, feeling the flow of air out your nose. Bring to mind someone to whom you’d like to send some well-wishes. It could be someone whose company you enjoy or someone you’re worried about being with, like the racist uncle or the judgmental in-laws. Think of what quality would serve them at this time, and create a mantra to accompany your exhales, “May you feel peaceful” or “May you be healthy.” “May you keep your comments to yourself.” (Oh wait, not that last one 😉). With each out-breath, send compassion.

As you breathe, you’ll notice your mind jumping back to un-compassionate thoughts, especially if you’ve selected a difficult person as a recipient. This happens. It’s okay. When you notice your fear brain taking over, just acknowledge it and shift back to the breath and the compassion mantra.

One good thing about this practice is that you can do it anytime you start to feel those holiday jitters, and it will always steer you back to feeling more comfortable in your own skin and appreciative of the opportunities you have to be with your loved ones…even those who are a bit of a handful. 

Happy Thanksgiving!  I appreciate you!

I just returned from a lovely week on the Big Island. It took me some time to shift gears and settle into a non-rushed, non-goal-oriented approach to my days. In fact, it wasn’t until the third day that I made it to the beach for my morning yoga practice. That changed everything.

I love to situate myself at the water’s edge, which is constantly shifting with the tides and waves. Sometimes the waves don’t quite reach my toes. Other times, with bigger waves, I can find myself nearly thigh deep in water, or toppled over onto my now-sandy butt.

With time, the undulation of the waves begins to influence how I move, and I pace my poses with the comings and goings of the temperate, salty water. For example, I might wave forward into plank as the water rushes in, and then regress back into down dog split as the wave returns to sea. I invite the energy of the ocean to move me, and thereby begin to sync up with the pulse of Nature. I lose track of time and get lost in the dance of my body with the ocean.

Psychologists talk about the “flow state” when you are completely absorbed in what you are doing. As you become immersed in the activity at hand, be it riding a bike, baking some muffins, or playing the piano, the stories of the ego fade from your mind. You are simply present, doing what you’re doing.

Flow states are most always described as enjoyable. People report feeling happy and fulfilled when they are in flow. Neuroscience research has shown that there is an increase in dopamine activity (one of your brain’s “feel-good” neurotransmitters) when people are experiencing flow.

The spontaneity of flow also evokes your creativity, and you’re more likely to experience “ah-ha” moments of insight when you are in flow. Further, flow builds your attention, as your concentration hones in to focus on just what’s happening in the here and now.

Yoga is a practice that continues to coax me into flow, such that flow erupts more often in other daily activities like gardening, cooking and teaching. This month I will do my best to transport some of the ocean’s teachings of flow to you through our group practices. I’ll also bring the theme of flow into our Fall Yoga and Mindfulness Retreat (details below). Come move, breathe, and learn to awaken your own capacity to flow.

For years, I learned (and taught) abdominal hollowing techniques to create a supportive core. With abdominal hollowing, you contract your front belly muscles (rectus abdominus and transverse abdominus) to draw the belly in towards the spine. I first got a hint of there being another option while I was on a cruise a few years ago. Incredibly, the ship had a deep pool that allowed one of the evening shows to be a high diving act. I was struck when noticing that the lead diver was very thick in the midsection. He wasn’t fat, but his body wasn’t long and lithe like most swimmers. Also, I noticed that just before he would take these death-defying leaps he would breathe in and expand his midsection, rather than hollow it out. It was the exact opposite of what I would think you’d do to set your core for a big jump. It wasn’t until last year that I came across an article that described exactly what he was doing: abdominal bracing.

Research comparing abdominal hollowing vs. abdominal bracing suggests that sucking in the gut with strong abdominal engagement can actually decrease core stabilization. The act of hollowing creates an oblique position of the diaphragm and pelvic floor, increases lumbar lordosis (the archiness of your lumbar spine) and stresses the psoas.

In abdominal bracing, you start by inhaling to engage the diaphragm, which pushes down into the abdominal cavity. You then counter the downward diaphragmatic pressure by lifting the pelvic floor, and then add a moderate contraction of the entire abdominal wall, including front belly, side belly and low back. The key muscles of the abdominal wall are the obliques, transverse abdominus, rectus abdominis, spinal erectors and lats.

Together these actions create Intra Abdominal Pressure that acts like an air-filled mattress to stabilize your lower back.

I’ve been amazed by how beneficial abdominal bracing has been in reducing my own back pain caused by a lumbar herniation. It’s helped me heal and feel stronger in bending, stooping, and lifting. My back also feels happier in yoga poses that put a load on the low back.

As those of you in my yoga classes this year have noticed, I have been frequently cueing abdominal bracing. For those of you who haven’t had a taste of it yet or would like to practice more, I’m including a link here to a Zoom class that will teach you how to engage and feel your abdominal brace.

So many of us deal with chronic low back pain and are familiar with the mood and thinking disturbances it can cause. Abdominal bracing has been a real revelation to me, and so different than what I have used in the past, that I felt it warranted a feature in this newsletter.

Here’s to your healthy and happy back.

The trial and verdict of the murder of George Floyd has stirred up our collective emotions around racism and fairness. For too long, we white folks have taken the more comfortable road of avoidance, which has allowed the perpetuation of violence and discrimination against our friends of color. I understand. It’s uncomfortable facing the truth of white supremacy, and our role in it. The anti-racist books I’ve read and documentaries I’ve watched this year often leave me angry, sad, distraught, overwhelmed, at a loss, ashamed, and guilty. Avoidance is undoubtedly a more comfortable path.

But then I think, “if just reading about these injustices leaves me feeling this upset, what could it possibly be like for the victims? How do they cope with a past, a present and a foreseeable future full of discrimination?”

I also recognize that in my pursuit of a peaceful life for myself, I am becoming less tolerant of things that cause distress. White privilege gives me the option of ignoring the pain caused by racism, as I can put down the anti-racist work I’m doing any time that I feel unwilling to bear the discomfort it evokes. The victims of discrimination don’t have that luxury.

In order to face hard truths, of any variety, those of aging, loss, uncertainty, poor health, etc., we need to get better at dealing with difficult emotions. The next Applied Mindfulness will explore being with emotions that we’d rather not feel.

When you’re less vexed by challenging emotions, then you’re able to face difficult situations with greater skill and compassion. When you’re lost in struggle, compassion for yourself and others seems to be nowhere in sight. This mindful work will help in not only reducing your own pain, but set you up to be able to be an agent of helping alleviate the pain of others.

Let’s lean into this together.

I have been struck in several recent conversations by how clever our minds are at deceiving us, warping reality to fit our preconceived notions of what kind of people we believe ourselves to be. These cognitive distortions are dangerous when it comes to the spread of COVID.

On one hand, people feel they are behaving responsibly and claim they are doing a great job of following safety protocols to reduce their risk of contracting or transmitting COVID. However, in the next moment, they report on recent outings that are clearly contrary to the safety protocols. More importantly, they seem not to notice the dissociation. Our egos are so good at rationalizing any potential slip-ups to keep us feeling righteous. But, in doing so, they put us, our loved ones and others at risk.

In one such conversation a friend shared with me her and her family’s diligence in wearing masks and social distancing, while also reporting being bewildered by the fact that several members of her immediate and extended family had contracted COVID. I had witnessed on social media multiple instances of potential exposures, so was less surprised than she.

What makes us feel so invincible? Why is it so hard for us to change our behavior to fit the need of the hour?

Habit, for sure. We’re used to spending time with friends and family without masks. The tradition of gathering for Thanksgiving and Christmas are long-standing and, for some, unquestionably required events.

But, I think these cognitive distortions are bigger culprits in putting us at risk. We think, “just this one get-together, “just with this one other family,” “just this one short weekend get-away,” or “I’m sure this person has been safe like me and is fine to spend time with indoors.” We rationalize anything that is potentially risky, and distort ourselves into believing that we’re being safe. And, COVID flourishes .

I was frustrated this morning reading about a gay circuit party happening in Puerto Vallarta this weekend for NYE. With the Puerto Vallarta hospitals at 100% capacity and cases rising across the US, who would think it a good idea to fly to a huge dance party with hundreds of strangers without social-distancing protocols? It could be another super-spreader event like the Sturgis motorcycle rally in South Dakota.

Was this newsletter meant to cheer you up and help you feel more hopeful for 2021? Well, I’m not doing a good job of that. But, hopefully it invites you to be mindful of how your mind is also playing tricks on you. This is a human brain problem, not something specific to a subgroup of careless, thoughtless people.

What are you rationalizing as safe? What are you ignoring to feel okay about your activities? What distortions are tricking you into feeling like you’re being a good global citizen?

I know it’s easy to judge the actions of others, like the anti-maskers and the Rona ravers. But, more helpful is to see the seeds of their behaviors that are also in you. Instead of us vs. them; try a more accurate, we.

I’ll be exploring mindful ways of coping with COVID in two workshops coming this month (details below). I look forward to seeing you all soon in 2021.

May You Be Safe. May You Find Peace.

Every fall one of my students, Ashley, always dreads having to give a presentation to the parents of her incoming elementary school students. Leading up to the presentations she feels her chest tighten and her breath shorten. Sometimes it feels like she can’t take a breath, and that makes her even more anxious. She worries that her nervousness will make a bad impression on the parents.

Ashley’s breathing difficulties are common among people who are stressed and anxious. Anxious breaths tend to be fast and constrained to the upper lungs. Scientists have shown that this fast, shallow breathing triggers mechanisms within the amygdala, your brain’s threat monitor, similar to those triggered by anxiety.

Ashley studied with me to learn how to use mindfullness and controlled breathing to calm her anxieties. She shared the results of her practice with me:

“This year was my most successful presentation, in large part due to mindfulness and controlled breathing. Every time I felt a wave of nervousness I noted, “Nervousness is here,” and practiced controlled breathing. It calmed me down. I did this several times in the hours leading up to the presentation and experienced a wave of calm each time. Once the presentation began, I felt more at ease than I ever had before. When I felt nervous during the presentation, I would take a slow breath, and it calmed me. Since I was calmer, I was more confident answering questions and talking with parents. In the past, I would drive home feeling embarrassed. This year I drove home feeling proud.”

This month, I will offer a special workshop where you will learn breathing techniques that help calm your nerves so that you’ll feel more at easy and are able to sleep better (details below). This is a great tool to have in your mindful toolbox, and something you can easily share with your friends and family. I hope you’ll join us.

In the meantime, “It’s a new dawn. It’s a new day. It’s a new life for me, and I’m feeling good.”

The trial and verdict of the murder of George Floyd has stirred up our collective emotions around racism and fairness. For too long, we white folks have taken the more comfortable road of avoidance, which has allowed the perpetuation of violence and discrimination against our friends of color. I understand. It’s uncomfortable facing the truth of white supremacy, and our role in it. The anti-racist books I’ve read and documentaries I’ve watched this year often leave me angry, sad, distraught, overwhelmed, at a loss, ashamed, and guilty. Avoidance is undoubtedly a more comfortable path.

But then I think, “if just reading about these injustices leaves me feeling this upset, what could it possibly be like for the victims? How do they cope with a past, a present and a foreseeable future full of discrimination?”

I also recognize that in my pursuit of a peaceful life for myself, I am becoming less tolerant of things that cause distress. White privilege gives me the option of ignoring the pain caused by racism, as I can put down the anti-racist work I’m doing any time that I feel unwilling to bear the discomfort it evokes. The victims of discrimination don’t have that luxury.

In order to face hard truths, of any variety, those of aging, loss, uncertainty, poor health, etc., we need to get better at dealing with difficult emotions. The next Applied Mindfulness will explore being with emotions that we’d rather not feel.

When you’re less vexed by challenging emotions, then you’re able to face difficult situations with greater skill and compassion. When you’re lost in struggle, compassion for yourself and others seems to be nowhere in sight. This mindful work will help in not only reducing your own pain, but set you up to be able to be an agent of helping alleviate the pain of others.

Let’s lean into this together.

I was listening to a dharma talk by Sylvia Boorstein a couple of weeks ago, and she was telling the story of a friend who had been diagnosed with cancer; it was pancreatic cancer. And her friend was asking Sylvia’s advice about how to handle what she was going through. 

Sylvia was reviewing the mindful approach of acceptance, even accepting things we don’t like. Sylvia suggested that if she had a hard time with acceptance, at least try not to be mad about the cancer. Then her friend replied, “Well, I am mad about it. I’m definitely feeling angry.” 

“Well then,” Sylvia continued, “try not to be mad about being mad.” But her friend added, “Well, I am mad about being so angry. I don’t want to be angry, so I’m upset with myself for being so angry. I noticed myself thinking, ‘why me? Why is this happening to me?’ It doesn’t seem fair, and that’s why I’m angry.”

Sylvia encouraged her friend to keep stepping back and accepting whatever was there, not simply the cancer, the treatments, the nausea, the hair loss, etc., but also the reactions like her anger and her frustration with her anger. 

On a subsequent call her friend said, “You know what? The other day as I was in one of my self-pitying ‘why me?’ riffs, when I suddenly thought, ‘why not me?’ Cancer happens to people. I’m a person. Cancer happens more to older people; I’m an older person. Why would I think that I should be one of the ones who gets off the hook? And, this thought of ‘why not me’ actually softened my resentment towards the cancer, and made me feel less angry about having my reactions about having cancer. It helped me to accept my humanity including this part of my humanity.”

I loved hearing this story. Acceptance is one of the most powerful tools we have in our mindful toolbox for reducing suffering and building peace. But, it’s hard. We are so conditioned to react aversely to something the ego deems as unpleasant or unwanted. Our minds are so good at creating the ideal of how the world should be, how others should behave, that it creates upset when the world doesn’t show up as we planned. And we have all heard that “why me?” in our own internal dialogues over things much less dire than pancreatic cancer.

Why not me? Yes, I’m human. Our humanity is a mix of pleasant and unpleasant. Of course, some challenging, unwanted experiences are sure to come my way. Why not me?

When I have tried practicing with “why not me” over the last couple of weeks, it quickly has softened my upset. It has also helped me shift my perspective from the ego that feels thrown off course by whatever ill wind happened to be blowing at the moment, to a place of appreciation that the painful circumstances that I am dealing with are so manageable compared to what many face. It puts me in a mindset of being able to handle the problem, rather than feeling victimized by it. 

Think of something that has been bothering you this week, or trace back in your mind to a moment when the “why me?” dialogue showed up. Retrospectively apply “why not me?” Explore. Maybe you’ll find appreciation for some of the smaller difficulties you’re facing, recognizing that it’s not pancreatic cancer.